Overconfidence [EXPLICIT]

I need to get my head out of my ass.

I need to stop living in my own bubble, in my own cloud, in my own fucking world. Everything doesn't revolve around me.

I need to stop being overconfident.

The trigger for this blog was the series of events that took place today.

It's not that self-confidence is a bad thing, of course. It's essential. But so are humilty, open-mindedness and flexibility.

Context

Badminton Tournament.

A few months ago, a friend asked if I played Badminton? I responded in a very chill and intended-to-be-funny way: "Yes, I play Badminton and I am very good."

At that point of time, it just seemed like a joke for both of us. But right now I can taste ego in that very statement.

Because today, in an intra-college tournament, I lost seven to nil. The match did not even last for 90 seconds. For real.

It was shameful, sure - but I do not care a lot about what people think about me, at least I try to. But apart from that, it was an eye-opener. I zoned out so I could understand what the hell just happened.

I was hyped up here because I practiced with a different breed and that I started to have an attitude that I am definitely going to do so well that I started saying - "See you in the finals".

There is this hindi idiom - "Andho mein kana raja" which means: A partially blind is a king among the blind.

The kind of people you surround yourself with matters a lot.

The people you flock with, the ideas you spend the most time with are the most important.

Too much self-confidence means you start missing the warning signs that you might be wrong. You miss these signs because, to you, they do not even exist.

The possibility that you could be wrong is a foreign concept. Which, not going to lie, has been happening a lot lately.

Relativity

It is true. Today triggered a whole set of introspection in my head.

In CP. In dance. In tech.

CP

I like the person I was in my first and second years. I explored like a kid. No fear, nothing to care about, nothing to lose.

I gave every Competitive Programming contest. For fun, infact. And as I was getting better - I shitted my way through.

I infact got shortlisted into Deutsche Bank Internship (for third years) in my first year, and I wasn't allowed to sit for interviews because I was not from the eligible batch. But that is a story for some other time.

Point is - I did not even get shortlisted when the company came for internships for my year.

I gave all Google KickStart rounds without the fear of getting something or not. I started with not getting a single problem in my first round (which was alright for me back then) to actually doing well till the last round.

And now when I look back at that LinkedIn post, I could see that ego building.

"This time I have participated, next time I will compete. Started: 10925 --> Ended: 1472 ⭐"

Damn. Just realizing this makes me feel like shit.

And the best part is? That "next time" never came. I did not regularly give KickStart competition the coming year. And this year (a few weeks ago), when I gave the first round - I did not fucking get even a single fucking question. Back to square one.

I still feel confident, but I am scared of falling. But the fact is that I haven't reached at such a level that it would hurt a lot if I fall.

Sure, I've had the assumption and the overconfidence that I am doing great, that I have been hyped up by the people around that I am doing so well.

But the simple fact is that there is a long way to go.

Generalisation

Just because I have a shiny LinkedIn profile, and I have sold incomplete projects at Hackathons doesn't actually make me a good developer.

There are three kinds of people you interact with.

One who you small talk with - it is more or less bullshit, but it is part of the process.

One who are real - no bullshit, it is very straight with them.

One who speak good infront of you about you, way too much to make you overconfident.

Do not ever listen to the third type. Do not let them get to your head.

Because once you do, you start building onto that overconfidence, adding on to that ego.

And once you start climbing that unreal mountain of ego and overconfidence, you fall. And you fall so bad, it fucking hurts so damn much.

Note to self

Cut the bullshit. Filter the shit you do not want to hear, the things you do not need to hear.

Stay fucking humble. Humility is rare, be rare.